i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
