i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize