great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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