yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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