I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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