It's like God shit irony all over that family
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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