This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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