You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
