I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
