he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
