so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
