as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This house was built for laser tag.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hippo gnu deer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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