I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
