But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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