We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
