is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I touched a dick in church today
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
