the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize