I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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