Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
