he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
