It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
