After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
