no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
