she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
