I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
