She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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