I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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