Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I forget how to act sober
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