they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
As shirtless as possible
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Everyone says I win the strip club
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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