Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
