So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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