Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
