i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
