I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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