SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
