Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
