Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
