i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
