Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
