And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
