sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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