just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
