I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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