Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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