Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
