Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
