Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I skipped work to stalk him.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
