Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
