Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
