So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You ruined the universe
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
