The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize