____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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