i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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