He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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