i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
