I got chris browned last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
