what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
