things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
