So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
