one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
