i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
