Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
