I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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