I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
