dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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