no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
