He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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