he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
